27th June 2018

Speech

Why being short is better than being tall

Midget. Munchkin. Fun sized, smurf, reverse giraffe, pip-squeak, and the list goes on. Some people think that these belittling comments will just go right over our heads (hehe), but I am here to call attention to the fact that yes, I am short. I know I am short and I don’t need my head to be used as an armrest to prove that fact. However, there are actually some major benefits to being short that many people don’t realise and in fact, being short is actually way better than being tall. I mean, there must a reason why they say “appreciate the small things in life”, right?

Generally speaking, the shorter you are, the smaller your clothes are. So technically, short people can fit more clothes in the washing machine with each load. This means we do less washing overall, and therefore save water and save money on bills, meaning that not only is being short more environmentally friendly but also less expensive. Another point to back this up is that if you have smaller clothes in the first place, then less material is used up in the making of said clothes. Sadly, we don’t get any short-people discounts for using less material, but at least we have the knowledge that we are saving the pandas by taking up less fabric and production time than tall people. I mean, we literally have a smaller carbon footprint!

The thing with being short is that in many problematic situations, there are often ways to accommodate for the short person, but not the tall one. For example, you can always hem pants that are too long, but it’s not as easy to add extra fabric onto pants that are too short. Another example, I remember once at a basketball tournament, we went back to the motel and all of my friends were complaining about how the shower head was too low down and they had to crouch to wash their hair. Well, I certainly didn’t have that problem, it was the perfect height for me and my shortness. These are just a couple of examples, and the benefits of being short aren’t just for girls either.

Guys, if you’re short, embrace your shortness. Statistically speaking, it’s a sad fact but there are many superficial girls out there that will look right past you if you’re below average height. Because of this, it means that when you get into a relationship it will be with a girl or guy that loves you for you and not just for your looks. This means that you short guys will likely be in happier, long-lasting relationships than your taller friends. I mean, what could possibly be bad about that?

Although we shorties can’t outrun you tall people in sprints, we could possibly outrun you in life. Did you know that on average, every extra inch of height takes around 1.2 years off a person’s life expectancy! There are many reasons for this unfortunate fact. For example, short people are less likely to bang their heads on a door frame and get a concussion, which could lead to brain damage. Short people are also less accident prone than tall people. A higher centre of gravity means balancing is more difficult, so short people are less likely to fall off bikes, less likely to fall over in general, and less likely to get injured in a fall because of course, the shorter you are, the shorter the fall. See, when you think about it, there are many reasons why us midgets are expected to live longer than taller people.

Okay, but seriously, there are actually thousands of scientific studies worldwide that have proven if your body itself isn’t long, then statistically your life will be. The hormone that controls height, called the Insulin-like Growth Factor or IGF, is also the hormone that controls ageing. Many short people have deficiencies in IGF, but this suggests that they also age slower than their taller counterparts who have excess of IGF. It has also been proven that taller people are at a higher risk of cancer. A recent study conducted by the Karolinska Institute in Sweden involved 5.5 million people, and they found that those who were above average height were up to 30% more likely to get skin cancer than their shorter peers. The study also found that for every 10cm added on to your height, the risk of other cancers increased by 11% for men and 18% for women. I’m sorry to tell you this, tall people, because there is nothing any of us can do to change our heights. What I’m saying is, you might want to enjoy being tall while it lasts, because it’s likely that we shorties are going to out-live you eventually. 😉

Weaving in and out of dense crowds with ease and enjoying your ample leg room on planes or in cars are luxuries that only the vertically challenged, or in this case the vertically gifted, get to enjoy. We have a smaller impact on the environment and we are likely to live longer. The benefits of being short are numerous, but in reality, height really is just another perspective. When I hang around preschoolers, I’m tall, right? However, I am currently one of the shortest people in this room. So even though it is clear that being short is much better than being tall, it really doesn’t matter in the end, because it’s how you use your height (or lack thereof) that’s important. And as they say, you’ve really got to hand it to short people, because we usually can’t reach it anyway. 

 

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Writing